ei duniyaa

(शायरी)

BeFoRe

BeFoRe I FaLL aSLeeP
i HaVe to ReLeAsE 
tHe
PaiN wHiCH bLeeDs

LEARNING FROM THE LIFE

In the morning time, I used to see these people- a blind couple, a few children who are unable to speak and hear(age group of 13-18) and sometimes one more person- on the way to my office.

Review of Past

So, after a long time, I have no idea how much long time (in terms of months or years or so…) but it seems to me that I am writing about myself after a decade.

However, if you have got a question to me like- “what has made you, to write about yourself now?!...” 

Well… it is really a big question… any answer of this question in the first place is- “I just want to scream out loud, but I cannot at all.” Perhaps someone has stuffed a cloth in my mouth and my voice has blocked somewhere inside my throat.

However, there is a cliché in the life of any random person that they must find a reason to console themselves, to hide their mistake (s)… and certainly, they will do this with full confidence. It is awful, but somewhat required… you must be wondering that I ‘m going to support a wrong cause. But a big but…! It doesn’t hurt anyone unless you do it in public and also if you take it positively.

Anyways, recently I have finished reading a book- this book is about an author who is roaming around different countries and she is trying to forget her terrible divorce cum relationships, to learn a language that she loves more than her mother tongue, the existence of supreme God etc. 

I think the name of the book is not required to mention here as I am not supposed to write a review for this book. I think you will not mind this. 

However, it still doesn’t make any sense to anyone to sit down to review their past and all..?!?!

Yes..! Absolutely! You know the way she has written in her book better say how she has expressed herself is what I have done the same already; many years back during my teen age when most of kids cum soon to become as grown adult(s) were preparing for their future; either they were preparing for competitive exam or struggling to get a good college or institute; I had been lost in my secret diary aka personal diary- I was writing endlessly… better say I was screaming /bleeding in my untold painful emotions every night/day silently in my loving diary.  It was my melancholy and I was not doing what I was expected to behave; well it has enough. I can’t let myself to visit those daunting days again.

Even I have dumped that loving diary somewhere I don’t know myself. This diary is one my dearest part of my life. After all, It carried the burden of my melancholy ever very faithfully.

Still past is running with us every second; each passing second is converting into the past.

And in the present, I am again making mistakes and creating a new past. But somehow, I don’t feel obliged to keep this beast in the cage of my small heart. I have learnt to make these agonies free from myself, better say I have become the master in this awful art.  

Tumse Kuch Baate
Krna Abhi Baaki Hai..

Tumse Kuch
Sawaal Karna
Abhi Baki Hai...

Tumse Kuch Jawaab
Sunna
Abhi Baki Hai.

Tumhare Kuch
Sawaal Jo Kaundhte Hain
Dil Mei Jab Tab
 Ke
Jawaab Dena
Abhi Baki Hai..

2 Pal Fursat Ke
 Saath Tumhaare
Bitaanaa
Abhi Baki Hai.

Yuu To Zindagi Mei
Armaano Ke Everest Pr
Chadhna
 Abhi Baki Hai

Lekin Usse Pehle
Kuch Do Kadam
Saath Tumhare Chalna
Abhi baki hai,

2 Palo Ka Saath
Theharna
Abhi Baki Hai...
Inme Kho Jaane
Ka Ehsaas Karna
Abhi Baki Hai.

Ei-Zindagi Tumse
Milna Abhi Baki Hai.

Tumse Kuch Baate
Krna Abhi Baaki Hai...

कभी कुछ बातें

कभी कुछ बातें,

इस कदर दिल  को  छू

जाती हैं.

कि शायद ये दिल या दिमाग भी 

समझने में नाकाम रहता है

कि वैसा क्यूँ हुआ और क्या वजह थी

कोई तो वजह का जिक्र करे..

 उस वजह को बयाँ करे।

वजह  जानने को यह दिल भी बेचैन है

तो

हमने उस ऊपर वाले को कहा.. की तुम ही कुछ तो बता दो ।

अब क्या कहें

कि वो ऊपर वाला भी बयाँ करने में नाकाम है ।

वो भी सिर्फ खामोश है.

वो भी कुछ इस तरह मजबूर हो गया है,

जैसे कि वो भी इंसान है..

मजबूर है |

Kuchh Ksharikaayein......

(3)

Ab to mann  me ukari hui ateet ki 
lakeero ko mitaanaa hi hoga...

Ab to iss balwati hote Kaal ko 
Thaamnaa hi hoga...

Kuchh Ksharikaayein.

Chalte Chalte....

(1) 
Hm to bs chal pare hain ab,

chinta nhi hai koi ki..

Gairon ka saath milega yaa

samundar

(Hindi (language) poem...)

samundar ka kinara bhi akela maloom deta hai.... 

baar baar badhta jaroor

hai jameen ki or magr naa jane

kya sochta hai

ki

When the going gets tough the tough get going

Well..!! this was the shocking news that 'Jiah Khan'- one of the several aspiring actress of Bollywood film Industry did suicide.

However... here I am not going diagnose the reason behind her this cowardice act... but I want to say that it was nothing good...this news is just indigestible.

Number that may someone care

image_source: flicker

I could not recall exactly the day, on which I saw her...

I could not recall exactly the day, on which I started to like her...

I could not recall exactly the day, since which i have developed a feeling that I love her...

I could not recall exactly the number of days, which I lived without her... without letting her know that i love her...

I could not recall exactly the number of days.. which I hide to her that I am in love with her...

I could not recall exactly the number of moments... which i spent with her..

I could not recall exactly the number of moments... that i fought with her over little things..

I could not recall exactly the number of moments...  that she mocked with me & i took them seriously... 

I could not recall exactly the number of moments... that she kept quiet over my expressions....

but 

I could recall that day, on which we met last time as we used to meet...

I could recall that time span that I lived without any talk with her...

we didn't get separated, though, my heart did ... but during this period I learnt what I would never been able to learn ...

Anyway... heart still wished that...but mind holds this wish to be wish...

in a nut shell...actually it was a love at first sight for me but doesn't have any guess what actually it was for her... I imagine this in my way... but

..today.. I am no more willing to know such because what ever I have learnt about her tells me it is what she is ... and I have no complaint about how rudely she has taught me this lesson...

And it really matters for me and I think, this is why I still love her the way I did without knowing her exactly...

...whatever... whether she could verify or not on the numbers... it doesn't matter for me either...

because I also don't trust in numbers.

Though, records or number doesn't reveal anything about my love or how she treated/behaved to me...

may be it does matter how we respect each other and able to manage the sweetness of our relation...

well... I am grateful to her for this great sharing.

Thank you my angel!!

#expression overflow:scroll

image source: flicker

It is really not easy to explain yourself each time... but if you'r explaining yourself again and again... in front of those whom you consider your well-wisher/love one's then it is really not good and very much painful for anyone... who is been suffering such situation.

One solution is that you can keep silence & do your work but how long it is quite possible...

Anyway what else could be done when you'r bounded by these things... should cry or yell... or yell out loud.

I have completely lost my temperament and feeling like mentally disorder person...  I have became sick and continuously thinking random things either which are relevant or irrelevant to me... 

#expression overflow:scroll

a conversation with omnipresent god

I know, most of people trust you blindly or they are not interested to talk over this issue as if it is not of their business, possibly many of them does not know why they should trust you or for what they should be grateful to you.

Still there are also a breed of people who don’t trust over your existence, however all is their own opinion/perception… however I m not such wise one who will determine what one should do or not, yet as per my little improper knowledge I am grateful to you for making me to experience your calm & soothing existence.

I have understood it that whatsoever you are making us to do is for a reason, and it is also true if we don’t

follow that route we must have to face 
consequence of that which we don’t deserve but we have to.

I was really unaware of whatsoever you are doing for our goodness earlier but now-a-days I really have realized and understood the intricacies you have woven to make our life good.

visible but invisible to normal eye- The God

I will always be grateful to you for all your trust which you have been showing up over me unconditionally.

It is really a pleasing experience to realize and felt your presence at this tender age. I think it is awesome… could not be explain/express in words.

I am not as strong as you are but I could courage to promise to you that I will fulfill my all duty(s) for which you have created me, for which you have sent me in your magnificent world.

I will also promise to you that I will not beg anything which I could earn by my own endeavour from this point of life to the day which is fixed.

I will also not worry about whatever test you will want to test on me in any situation…

I will always follow to the rules and goal for which you have imparted your divine particles of yourself in me.

thank you very much for everything

However dear omnipresent lord last but not the least I would like to utter an unmatched word for your all blessings- “Thank you”!

Thank you so much!!

Disclaimer: Images attached here are taken from internet, displayed in the search result made via search engine. If you find them *copyrighted* one, please let me know I shall take them back. thank you!

Post related to my opinions & expressions

• Introduction to Nikhil
• Confession
• The height
• When the going gets tough the tough get going
• Tendency to become what actually.... you are not!!
• A pleasure ful ride
• Yippee!!
• Just another photo with different taste
• Review of 2010 cum ThanksGiving

#expressions overflow:auto

image source: internet via google dot com

After a long time i m going to express myself...and with out using Airtel... :P  ;)

however, there is nothing such stuff like having an airtel or anything, ummm... airtel is just annoying... it is something like talking with yourself..better say Myself...

it is not just limited to facebook... not limited to twitter or whichever social networking kinda.

here you all are invited automatically just because of technology... oh no man.. i was about to talk with myself.. and just like a crazy techi person going to talk with technical things..

no... i m in no mood to talk in this subject.. after a long week of running behind dreams, work, recovering from illness & vice-versa.. in short in a recursive way.. hahahaha.. i really would like to explain this recursive thing but some other day.. not-a-promise.. ;P..

well i m no more tired i am still energetic and concentrated towards ...err.. i try it daily to keep myself concentrated over my work and duties.

well.. still which thing is letting me down...yea.. i have answer too...i m breaking by my own illness, which I really want to get cured.. really want to leave it million miles behind.. hummfff..sighed.. don't know... really hard to keep yourself to stand on the diet suggested by doc.. taking medicines..

or some other time i used to think on the issues which i used to face in my life or to get cure my all problems with a magic stick... these things which lets me down...

...i speak it straight forwardly directly from deep of my heart to everyone... don't know how many of you will conclude it in negative manner or how many will take it as usual..generally i m not willing to analyze these things..

I am really no more interested to listen issues like your girlfriend/boyfriend err.. or really no more interested to mess up in things like finding a girlfriend or just label someone as that creepy thing term... or i just don't want to show any one his/her way of life.. i just love to talk to talk if anyone do... and that 's it otherwise i m no more interested to talk... i want to live with peace in this polluted environment...

 i really don't know what someone know.. i always  want to make way for me and the world/things which revolves around me are not just common like a common man... however it is doesn't mean i am something special but still i m a bit different.. & difficult to handle as well..

 i am no more interested to give anyone any sort of pain but always i find myself in this situation ...ohh godd.. it is just unlikely... I am no more willing to do this but anyone must understand that some person too has some pain with her/himself...

 i am always crazy to reach to help to anyone out there but still i could not if i am not aware about that..

 i always run after to find some moments where i can make my mad mind relaxed.. i do really seek a person, who can just listen me for nothing and i definitely would not expect to him/her to speak in my favour, i would accept if i m wrong.. but it is not necessary for one that s/he will pick or would show me a weak side or defensive one to just resolve the alarming issue with me.. nobody don't know that i m already on this side and this is why i m seeking you to just take your hand, to bounce back and to fight with these situations...

and I m doing my share of work… and it is more good thing for me.. I m no more demotivated or anything sort of like this but I …not any exception… like other persons I just need a little bit of support…

but i really just want to be myself.. and would love to enjoy my life in my way.. and finally ..and off course definitely to live like guy next door of this beautiful life.

thank you!!

-Disclaimer:

This blog post do not intend to hurt any one's feeling and do not intend to support any commercial or non-commercial product/activity. Any resemblance is  just a co-incidence and if any inconvenience occurred is deeply regretted. Thank you! 

Post related to my opinions & expressions

• Introduction to Nikhil
• Confession
• The height
• When the going gets tough the tough get going
• Tendency to become what actually.... you are not!!
• A pleasure ful ride
• Yippee!!
• Just another photo with different taste
• Review of 2010 cum ThanksGiving

Crossing a hillside road with the aptitude of a tortoise.

I hope you have already got the scene of this image, however, i don't know whom have captured this image but perhaps it demonstrate some Cycling Competition.


Well it has been a long time that I have not write anything here and my blog page is about to become stale, obviously one who loves to write would never want to let his/her blog to become obsolete or stale kinda. 


Actually it is Life's first rule to keep moving at any cost, hope you have all heard an old story of Tortoise and Rabbit, that told by either  from our  grandpa, or granny or even Big Brother or Sister or by of course parent too. Well... story is like this way (just in short) one day rabbit who wanted to humiliate tortoise...   decides to race till some point in the forest, and thought rabbit who could  win easily as tortoise can 't run as fast as he can. But in actual what happened there everyone know.


Well it is really very Popular Question in our text book (at junior school level) "What did you Learn from this story"... in similar fashion i m not going to ask same Q rather simply ..want to express my thought related to this question.


We must follow tortoise willingness and dedication to complete race however it doesn't matter whether we are worth to participate but once we have put into the competition than we must have to keep moving towards our Target, no matter it is mountainside road or sloppy or full of stones, we must walk.


Now-a-days I m also facing the same situation that i have to reach to my destination on such elevated road before it gets too dark to see anything. However I don't wish to walk as like tortoise but surely wish to adopt his Aptitude to reach to the destination moving continuously...!!

why it is...!!!!

why it happens...

that every one talk with me,

yet i feel no one talk with me..

that everyone do worry about me,

yet i feel myself insignificant...

that i m gathered with happiness,

yet i feel sorrow around me...

that, i m supplied with everything,

yet i feel i don't have anything with me..

that i know uncanny truth of life,

yet i feel myself stranger to life...

that everyone do love me..

yet i don't feel love of them...

that emotions get my eyes wet,

yet i suppress them as they never were...

that i do translate my heart feelings as words,

yet i hesitate to speak them by the fear of unpredictable...

that i want to laugh out of load

yet i remain quiet...

....why it happens,..

... what it is like, 

that I m powerful, yet I counted in Cowards...!!!

Tendency to become what actually.... you are not!!!

it is upto you how you take the things you daily face in different situations of life.
i think, many of us or almost all people don't have spirituality; i mean there is no one such person left who could hide their emotions. 
for instance some one has disobeyed you, and due to this very important task could not be completed as you have planned. 
or some one has insulted about you very badly or has ill-spoke about you it is possible that you would definitely want to take avenge then.
or very commonly, if you are doing some important work and at that time some one in any  means disturb you, then, could you prevent yourself by being angry? please think honestly, absolutely not at all.
I would like to say however you show yourself smart, cool, tendy, modernise, romantic, hot or what so ever, at some point of life you do what you actually dont want to do or failed to show up to any one else about that.
I know how difficult it is to prove yourself what you are, or what type of Personality you want. However as being a human being, err is possible from any of us, and it is possible & not much difficult to stick to what which is ethically comfortable not to what which may turn us into egoish or showy or selfish or in urdu 'tees mar khan'.


I don't know in which sense you will take my points, however, i don't say this that you 'r unaware about this... but actually I used to messed up with the people who do have such duality in their behaviour and it doesn't meant i dont have such crap thing in my behaviour but it is limited to me only or better say, developed for those type of people only.
:)


Thanks to bear my words :) and I wish you will enjoy the state in which you could behave the best without being worried about the duality of your behaviour.

---

Post related to my opinions & expressions

• Introduction to Nikhil
• Confession
• The height
• When the going gets tough the tough get going
• Tendency to become what actually.... you are not!!
• A pleasure ful ride
• Yip pee!!
• Just another photo with different taste
• Review of 2010 cum ThanksGiving

A pleasure-ful ride!!

yesterday i got chance to ride activa, it was really a fun-ride on the activa, no gears-no clucth just rotate the accelerator and whenever you need to stop dont give a click on pad (break) by your foot, just make a fist of your left hand... so you have got it s just a left hand's play... :)


however today i m not going to write any review about this vehicle but I just enjoyed the ride, however, it will be incomplete if i dont tell you about some quality that I liked, it is its pick up, the only thing I like most in all type of vehicles, the power to put you ahead of every one, and let makes other to watch you swinging.


well it really deserve such appreciation, however, i have not got a chance to ride other brands of this segement (110 cc) but I hope the better brand in this segment would have not presented yet.
however my choice of two wheeler is, so far, our eterno(150 cc); it is the one which also beats another scooties/scooters on the road, and its width from backside gives a looks of a tank of the bettlefield (2005 model), so imagine (about yourself) accordingly if you are riding this power piece (machine)... undoubtely you'r warrior who is eager to ruin down or to make clear his road from the enemies (other bikers :) ) 
Anyway the company has lessen their concentration from this brand as they are also going the eterno way in the two-wheeler industry.

Post related to my opinions & expressions

• Introduction to Nikhil
• Confession
• The height
• When the going gets tough the tough get going
• Tendency to become what actually.... you are not!!
• A pleasure ful ride
• Yip pee!!
• Just another photo with different taste
• Review of 2010 cum ThanksGiving

Yippee!!

it is really very special day for me :), cuz, it is the day for which, i was waiting for so eagerly since a long time back, and finally it has arrived in my life, guess what it could be, umm... no, no, no, it s not ... it s not any girlfriend's(fiancee) like matter, it is more than this sweet crap... more than the prettiest girl of this world ever or what ever the prettiest thing could be on this world for you...I am sorry that it is not right time that i could disclose this in front of you but i would like to just share with you...hope you could wait for that day when I would really be prepared to show you what I have got today, or what I want to show you today. Actually I have heard that happiness gets increases if you share this with your lovely ones :)

Thanks!!

Just another photo with different taste!

guess... what is this!?!?!?

this is some photography flavour of me... actually many of you never get to know that photography is my second love of life ;) however this is some boring picture but look at it for some more minutes, and ponder, that to which thing it resembles....need a clue.. oh :)
.
some software development related...!!!
.
.
now
...
..
got any answer....
.
.

Ahh!! confused! ....ok no more puzzles now it is time to disclose the answer..., well there is a Netbeans IDE logo in the natural form, it resembles to an open source IDE used world wide for development of software, specially coded in Java programming technology.

 :)

Thanks for starring and to give some of your valuable time for simple image!!